Underpaid or Undervalued

 

          Money has always been a new territory for me. No one taught me that it is essential while growing up. Although there was always less money at home, we hardly felt deprived. We had food to eat. Place to have shelter. School to go. Clothes to wear.  Although there was no sense of luxury, there was always a feeling of having less. But that was incomprehensible as a child. I never told my mom, I was ashamed of not having a water bottle and tiffin box at school. But I didn’t have the courage to confess that to mom. Still, I don’t.

          There was another kind of luxury at home, there were books, there were newspapers. Books were always there. There were always two sets of school dress, there was a pair of shoes. That was a divine luxury for the time when that was out of reach for many. But that was given not for the luxarybut that was luxury.

          So, money has never been the issue of kitchen talk. Mom and Dad never suggested earning money. For them, education was primary, and money was the byproduct. I grew up thinking the same. I have the same inherited concept of money. When I started working, I  realized money is a matter of dignity. Money is a matter of freedom. Money is a matter of value. But I  always earn less than the people who have similar or fewer qualifications than me. For a short period of time me and my brother worked in the same school. Although I was more qualified than him, just because I was a woman a tiner woman, who hardly knew how to raise my voice, I had a lower pay checque than him. That was the first time money hunted me a lot. I felt indignified because of money.

          I am in my 30s. Thirty taught me the value of money. I  may have more choices if I have more money. Although I can easily survive with my own pay cheque but it still it is still less than what I am supposed to earn.  I always underpaid because I didn’t know that bargaining goes with a pay cheque. I earn less than most of my friends. Still, I earn less than my brother. But the negotiation that goes with money has never been my cup of tea.

          Finances play a key role in the choice of life. The amount of respect we receive.  But still, dealing with money is very hard for me. I feel insignificant, indignified, and undervalued due to money. But the negotiation is always poor.