Mero Sansar- Nirjala Adhikari

It’s burning hot outside. I can take a shower or I can go swimming. But I am here inside my bedroom because I want to write. But I don’t know what to write or what to tell. I know I want to tell. But I don’t know what  I want to tell. I am empty. I am empty and clean as paper before the poem. Why don’t we talk about emptiness? Maybe you think I am sad. But I am not.  I am happy so I want to talk about emptiness. If I am not I don’t want to because I can’t write with problems and tensions. Buddhism defines it in this way, “Form is emptiness, emptiness is form.” I don’t know what it means but I find it quite interesting. Similarly, I found one interesting quote about emptiness. Ratna Suzuki says, “I have poured my heart out...... And now I am empty.” Likewise, Dejan Stojanovic defines emptiness,” If emptiness is endless, then everything rests in emptiness.” I am also so close to his idea about emptiness because I also feel somehow we are trying to avoid emptiness in life but at the

एउटा पर्खाल भत्किनुपर्ने  थियो जसरी भत्किन्छन् आवेगहरु आवाज बनेर.......... जसरी निस्कन्छ्न् भावनाहरु आँसु बनेर........... सायद भत्किनुपर्ने थियो मौनताको पर्खाल शून्यताको पर्खाल स्थिरताको पर्खाल तिम्रो हृदयको पर्खाल........ मेरो निशब्दताको पर्खाल.............. सायद......... भत्कनुपर्ने थियो बिडम्बना भत्किएन ।

तिम्रोलागी मैले केहि शब्दहरु रचेँ र आफैंले मेटिदिएं कोर्नु र मेट्नुको पिडा आमालाई सोध! आज सम्बन्धको धरातल फेरिएको छ चाहेरै पनि म ति शब्दहरु कोर्न सक्दिन् र रङ्गाउँन सक्दिन् हृदयको सानो क्यानभाषमा..... निशब्दता........  मौनता अथवा....... शून्यता वा अरु केहि यस्तै.... यस्तैको कोलाजमा कही कतै तिमी भेटिन्छौ लाग्छ तिम्रो र मेरो सम्बन्ध यही हो । 

              Is it punishment is better or love for a child? This question haunts me terribly these days. In these three months, I have many lows and highs. Sometimes I feel as if I am in the heaven because I am with children. Sometimes I feel as if I am in the hell because they are very restless.  As a teacher, I have to teach them anyway because this is my duty. I cannot say because this child is very naughty so I am unable to make him/ her understand. I cannot say this child is slow learner so he/she cannot learn. These are my challenge, not students'. But sometimes it's hard to manage the class. Because children can be cruel. However, we teachers cannot be cruel only because they are cruel.              I always have some kind of respect to them as my students. I believe, they do have some kind dignity as a student like me as a teacher. And they deserve love and respect. But in a class, we found the different category of students as a human being. Some are very extrove

            When I encounter with my relatives most of the time they give me suggestion to apply fairness cream on my skin. My small school kids many times ask me, “Maam are u from Africa? Why you are so black?.” As if being a black is a crime. Some smart one already gave me a suggestion to use fairness cream and some beauty tips to become fairer. I don’t know why Nepali are so obsessed with fairness although all most half of the country is brown. We can say we all Nepalese are brown in comparison with white Europeans and American world.          However, I find Nepalese society so racist. We never think seriously why only fair is lovely, not black? Why is an advertisement of fairness cream increasing day by day? Why those advertisements always link fairness and beauty? Beauty is so subjective thing. I cannot say only white Angelina Joly is beautiful. For me, Lupita Neong'o is as beautiful as Angelina. Beauty is a subjective thing I already said. But in this brown country, we

When I think about a teacher I always remember this quotation, “ When a teacher is in the lowest point he\she becomes a tutor and if  the teacher is in the highest point he\she becomes a mentor.” And this is the first thing which comes to my mind when I think about the teacher. I don’t know what makes a teacher good what not. But teaching profession has never been so different to me as a daughter of two teachers. However, I never think of being a teacher even in my most bizarre fantasy. I think this is all about those people who don’t want to be like their parents. I am one of them. Recently I have started the teaching career. I think it is all about default. Or I don’t know it is all about destiny or something else. Now I am a teacher. Teacher of children to whom study is not something interesting like movie, song or any interesting game. They are cheerful at the same time very restless. The first week when I started teaching I used to feel as if I lost my own self. As a creative

हिजो देखेका सपनाहरु आज मात्र इतिहास बनेर उभ्भिएका छ्न मेरा अगाडी म नतमस्तक बनेर हेरिरहेछु खसिरहेको आशाको पर्वतलाई......... अरुको इतिहास कती सजिलै छिचोलिदिन्छौं र सम्झिदिन्छौं तर आफ्नै मौन इतिहास बेलाबखत पिरोल्छ आफैंलाई! सपनाको मानचित्रले आफ्नै कक्षलाई नाघेर अरु कसैको संघारमा पुगेको बेला म तिनै मौन इतिहासको विष्मृतिमा  पुग्ने गर्छु....  आज पात झरेर नाङ्गो भएको रुखझैं बाटो विर्सिएर अर्कैको गन्तव्यमा पुगेको यात्रीझैं यथार्थको अर्कै कोलाज मा पुगेको छु र हरदम आफ्नै प्रतिविम्वमा अरु कसैलाई देखिरहेछु ।

            Like many other lower-middle-class Nepali family, my own family has many expectations with me. I am the first University graduate of my family. As a University graduate, they expect more from me. Sometimes these loathe expectations make me panic.  However, I have my own expectation with myself. As a modern Nepali woman, I want to be independent. Both financially and emotionally. But it’s hard to be independent here in Nepal if you want to follow the good path. No one gives you any opportunity if you are not there in favor of any people or political influence. While doing graduation in university, I used to feel I can get good opportunities after graduation. But these days what I am facing is not only the problem of me but a problem of lots of my friends. Some of my friends who were so good in study, so hardworking they are still jobless. However, those who never submitted their assignment in time never wrote research paper own self those are in good positions. It makes

Words From Himalayas Neither I can describe it. Nor I can paint it. Only I wrote two words in my dairy long time ago. Magical ................ Surreal...................... When I started to sketch it I broke the tip of a pencil. I only felt the rhythms, love, and respect. Last time he asked me, “where are you from?” I said, “I am from the valley of Himalayas.” Again he asked me, “What is your identity?” I said. “Please! Ask with rivers. I am the moving reality.” Sometimes you capture it in your own camera. Sometimes you describe it in your own words. Sometimes you romanticize it. Sometimes you demonize it in your own screen. But I am me. And what is it? Neither I can describe Nor I can paint Only two words are in my mind Magical Surreal............................. Or you can paint with your own words. It is the open canvas of beauty.

There is silence everywhere. I can only hear the sound of rain. And every single drop of rain takes me right to the beginning. I can still feel that journey when I close my eyes. I am talking about ICS journey. That journey which transformed me in many ways. It gave me a confidence. It gave me a sense of direction. It gave me a realization of achievement. It gave me a pleasure of giving. It broadened my horizon. It expanded my own school of thought. Indeed it made me a different person. I joined ICS only to explore myself. Before ICS, I was a fresh university graduate. Although I didn’t have a clear perspective about anything under the sun. But three months ICS journey taught me many things especially how to work in a rural community. How to cope with a new culture. How to deal with the people whose background is totally different.  Now I can realize I got many things more than what I aspired for. The whole experience made me a different person. So, I take it as a life changing

पर कतै क्षितिजबाट आइरहेको छाँया सायद तिमी नै पो हौ कि! म हेरिरहेछु मौनताको आदिम वस्तिबाट हामी छुट्टिएका थियौं कुनै दिन घाम लागेर पनि बादल छाएको तिम्रो आँखामा पहिलोपटक मैले पिडाले घायल सुन्दर मन भेटेको थिएँ ................ आज बसौं भएछ म चाहेर पनि कोर्न सक्दिन् शब्दहरुले तिम्रो आकृती स्मृतिको संग्रालयमा तिम्रो लागी जोगाएको एउटा मुटु मात्र बाँकी छ जब एक्ली हुन्छु क्षितिजमा  देखिएका छाँयाहरु तिमी नै पो हौ कि भन्ने लाग्छ र हेरिरहन्छु............. मात्र हेरिरहन्छु ............... आज एउटा दुष्प्रयास गर्दैछु कोर्दैछु तिम्रो आकृति रेखाहरु बाङ्गो जानसक्छन् आकृतिहरु  अपूर्ण बन्नसक्छन् र चाहेरै पनि तिमी नबन्न सक्छौ धेरै भएछ तिमीलाई नदेखेको स्मृतिहरु कमजोर हुँदैछ्न् चाहेर पनि तिमी नबनाउँन सक्छु माफ गर आज बुढो स्मृतिले अपूर्ण चित्र कोर्दैछ ।