World Said Ugly: I said Yes to my Ugliness

          You know, where mostly boys and girls live during their teenage years. Feeling pretty to be connected. But I lived in a separate world. I was in my own uncanny universe.

          Ranjana was too young to be my friend. She was just like a sister, and that was not her fault. But she was as unpretty as I was. We both were ugly. Her sister, Ratna, was too pretty to be my friend. She was pretty, so we never became friends.

          Suvekshya was the most beautiful in the family. She was my aunt’s daughter. We were no way similar to become friends. She was too beautiful. Apekshya was too cute and smart. Akriti was too fair, and I was dark. Rama was too tall, and I was too short. There were no similarities to align.

          Ratna was popular among boys, but she was timid. Rama was more than pretty, and she was a school topper. Akriti was the most charming and popular. Apekshya was smart and intelligent. I was nobody.

          But the story didn’t end here. One day, at the end of grade 10, they decided to have a photo shoot for the memory. Because I was unpretty, because I was ugly, I was excluded from the photo. You know, that was the first time I felt ugly, I felt unprettier. I felt alone. I felt lonely. I felt like an outsider. I felt all the things at the same time. But the voice inside me didn’t come out. I tried to speak, but you know I silenced myself.

          These days, when someone asks me what it means to be unpreety?  What does it mean to be ugly? I always tell that it is being silenced. It is being worthless. It is being excluded. It is being lonely. It is being friendless. It is being all but not being what it is.

          You know, they said ugly in the most terrible way, in the most subtle way. I was just fourteen.  That darkness of being ugly or feeling ugly never faded away, although I am pretty enough to voice myself, pretty enough to craft my sentence, worthy enough to sell my stories.