सम्बन्ध

तिम्रोलागी मैले केहि शब्दहरु रचेँ
र आफैंले मेटिदिएं
कोर्नु र मेट्नुको पिडा
आमालाई सोध!
आज सम्बन्धको धरातल फेरिएको छ
चाहेरै पनि म ति शब्दहरु कोर्न सक्दिन्
र रङ्गाउँन सक्दिन्
हृदयको सानो क्यानभाषमा.....
निशब्दता........  मौनता
अथवा....... शून्यता
वा अरु केहि
यस्तै.... यस्तैको कोलाजमा
कही कतै तिमी भेटिन्छौ
लाग्छ तिम्रो र
मेरो सम्बन्ध यही हो । 

Love Verses Punishment

              Is it punishment is better or love for a child? This question haunts me terribly these days. In these three months, I have many lows and highs. Sometimes I feel as if I am in the heaven because I am with children. Sometimes I feel as if I am in the hell because they are very restless.  As a teacher, I have to teach them anyway because this is my duty. I cannot say because this child is very naughty so I am unable to make him/ her understand. I cannot say this child is slow learner so he/she cannot learn. These are my challenge, not students'. But sometimes it's hard to manage the class. Because children can be cruel. However, we teachers cannot be cruel only because they are cruel.

             I always have some kind of respect to them as my students. I believe, they do have some kind dignity as a student like me as a teacher. And they deserve love and respect. But in a class, we found the different category of students as a human being. Some are very extrovert, some are very introvert and some are very restless. As a teacher, we have to meet the expectation of all those students. Also, we have to give them that space where they can be themselves.  Sometimes I feel that our education system wants to produce the same kind of category of student. We do not respect different capacities of different students. We want all the student academically same. But it’s not possible because they are different human beings and they expect different things. And they have different dreams. And the same problem I see in the parents too.  Most of the parents want to see their child doctor, engineer and so on. Only those profession which is taken as so-called best one.

            As a student, I never got any punishment in my entire academic life because I am from a very normal public school where children hardly get puni
shment. I don’t know my teachers were best for me or not. But I feel so fortunate because they gave me that warm space where I can be myself.  So, I want to give that space to my children too. Because somehow that makes us so close and connected with our educational institute. And today when I think about myself  I feel nothing without my teachers because they not only gave me knowledge but they made me better human being. They gave me unconditional love. They gave me unconditional confident.  However, that thing which I feel privileged because of them is that they gave me the freedom to be myself.

           Although the same kind of treatment is not good for all the students because they are different. Some children we found academically challenging. Some are behaviourally challenging. And some are very introvert even we never notice them.  But they all are our student and as a teacher, we have to respect all of their characteristics. So these days sometimes I  am confused whether punishment is good or love. Some children we can handle only with polite word, love, and affection. But some need some verbal punishments. I don’t know punishment  is good or not. But sometimes I also give those students verbal punishment just to manage my class. But when I  went home most of the time I felt bad because I gave them punishment. Personally, I don’t want to give them punishment. I think love, affection, care are more powerful than punishment.

         I always feel love is powerful than punishment although when I cannot manage my class with polite words so that sometimes I feel I am wrong.  But my concern is that if we treat them rudely than how they become polite. How they understand cruelty is bad? How they realize I am doing wrong?  These questions are hunting me badly I don’t know when I will get answer.

Fairness Obsession

            When I encounter with my relatives most of the time they give me suggestion to apply fairness cream on my skin. My small school kids many times ask me, “Maam are u from Africa? Why you are so black?.” As if being a black is a crime. Some smart one already gave me a suggestion to use fairness cream and some beauty tips to become fairer. I don’t know why Nepali are so obsessed with fairness although all most half of the country is brown. We can say we all Nepalese are brown in comparison with white Europeans and American world.

         However, I find Nepalese society so racist. We never think seriously why only fair is lovely, not black? Why is an advertisement of fairness cream increasing day by day? Why those advertisements always link fairness and beauty? Beauty is so subjective thing. I cannot say only white Angelina Joly is beautiful. For me, Lupita Neong'o is as beautiful as Angelina. Beauty is a subjective thing I already said. But in this brown country, we are searching for white beauty.  What an irony? Sometimes I am amused by our advertisement industry. They link fairness with confident and blackness with low self-esteem. Skin color has nothing to do with confidence. But our advertisement industry forcing the young generation towards forceful fairness although our heart is brown.

         I never think our society as racist as those societies where racism is supposed to be in existence. Still, I encounter many questions only because I am darker than others. In one interview Arundhati Roy shared her feelings like this, “ I was the worst thing a girl could be: thin, black and clever.” Here in our society too sometimes I realize why she told that. Because each day we are forced to be fairer. We can see the effect of these things in our small kids. Even they take black skin as ugly although they are unknown what really beauty means. And some of the teenagers apply a thick layer of fairness cream in early age because they want to be as white as others. Some people can argue this is all about personal choice. But I cannot take it only a personal choice. In fact, fairness is all about the western concept of beauty. So, why are we obsessed with fairness? Indeed we all are brown, we have a brown heart, brown South Asian heart.