Nirjala Adhikari
I was in the photography class. The day was cold
and gloomy, one of the coldest days of that winter. Our photography teacher was
quite new to the institution from where I completed my bachelor. And
that was the second day he was taking class to us. He was just explaining
about the history of photography meanwhile he told us- he can tell our
future by looking at our face. All my friends were quite eager to stand in
front of him to know about their future. They stood in front of him one by one.
And he told them, “you are going to be a teacher, professor, government
officer, tv journalist, social worker so and so. I was not in the mood to be in
front of him but one of my friends forced me. I stood in front him suddenly he
said to me –“ you are going to be a shopkeeper”. Although shopkeeper is not a
bad word I felt bad that day.
Simply, I felt bad. “Am I going to be a shopkeeper?” I asked myself time
and again. And the funny thing is that while growing up I never thought or
imagined to be a shopkeeper even in my wildest, craziest and most bizarre
fantasies. Suddenly I felt like – “ I am in hell. I am in that place
where I never able to belong”. This is
the incident of my life which made me realize an outsider of the whole education
system and professionals but at the same time I never able to navigate the
journey of my life beyond books.
Now I am exploring my journey from my childhood.
I am going back for almost twenty years. I was a quite good student in school. Good
in a sense that I was hardworking. I used to think that academic is the only
thing which takes me into the next level. My mom used to tell me education is
like a river it takes you in an unimagined journey of life. And her words used
to inspire me a lot to navigate that journey.
Me and my brother, more than siblings we are
good friends. And that friendship has a deep connection with our education. He
was very fast learner unlike me. He was very good in mathematics and science
unlike me. But when it comes to hardwork I am always hardworking one. Laborious one. But I never
got good marks like him in my school days. And that used to bother me a lot. I
used to think how without any effort he is always good not me. That is the
first thing that used to bother me when I was in my school.
However, I had a habit of reading a lot because
of my mom’s saying, “ it takes you in a long journey.” That never faded
from my mind. I was hardworking so teacher also loved me a lot. So, I used to
think without books I couldn’t navigate that unimagined journey. So, reading
became like my habit. I started loving books not only coursebook but also the
books of literature. And my dream changed according to the age and periods of
time. In school days, like my mom, I used to think if I couldn’t love the books
then I will be nowhere. That time I aspired to be a newsreader like Rama Singh.
So, I used to think books are the only thing which helps me to pursue that
dream.
Although I used to believe that book is the only
thing that takes me in a long happy journey of life, there are many bitter
experiences which made me quite pessimistic about the happy journey through
books. And the day when my photography teacher said, “you are going to be a
shopkeeper” is one of them. Actually more than anything else, that day he
shattered my belief, that unshakable belief over the power of books and
knowledge. That day when I returned home I couldn’t open my books and the same
thing, “you are going to be a shopkeeper” hunted me time and again. Firstly, I
became angry with him because I thought that who the hell he is to decide or to
predict my future. Secondly, I felt like maybe he will be right indeed he is
our teacher, he is more experienced and mature than us. A kind of insecurity
with books and academics started hunting me. And it took a long time for me to
be free from that bitter experience. I was more affected by that experience
because at that time I was in my late teenage. In fact, I was not in the age to
figure out someone’s opinion and prediction has nothing to do with my future
and my love for books.
My love for books is growing through time
although sometimes I hate the circumstances which occur due to the same
journey. For example, when we are in university we learn to dream. Suddenly
when we go out of the university we find the quite opposite world. And our
bookish knowledge and intelligent seems like an alienated
entity. Sometimes I can’t give pragmatic decisions because my world
is more connected with the book. However, love for book and my belief in the
power of knowledge never betrayed me. I can’t deny the fact that there are some
incidents which made me confused about whether I follow my instinct to follow
the journey of books or not. But those incidents made me more determined to
follow my instinct. That’s why I always consider the photography teacher is the
person who turned my life. Although for a while he made me fractured, shattered
indeed that was the turn who said me there are still people who can judge or
predict you through your appearance or outer personality but that is not the
ultimate reality. It’s already been seven years when he said to me you are
going to be a shopkeeper but now the reality is quite different. Neither I
have been shopkeeper nor I am dreaming to be a shopkeeper or business person.
So, I already said that I have a love-hate
relationship with books. Sometimes it took me in the journey where I never
dreamt to be. Sometimes it made me dissatisfied because it teaches me to dream
but all the dreams didn’t turn as a
reality. However books are books, it never let you down. I want to conclude
with my mom’s words books are like rivers it takes you in a long
unimagined journey of life. I am traveling the same journey, the journey
through books.