The Other

I am not in that society where we respect differences. I live in that society where being different is like a crime. There is no soft corner or warm space for those who are littlebit different from “so-called” normal. We love to hear same type of thoughts, we like to see same types of people, I don’t know what is the cause?  But our society loves linearity. It never gives respect to those who have a different thought, those who look different.

Sometimes when I see or analyze myself, I found myself the other. I do not look like what the girl expect to be looked like. I have brown skin, I am less than five fit, I am less than 40 kg, I am tiny than the normal. But I love my brown skin. It’s ridiculous when people say, “Why don’t you put lit bit powder in your face?” “Why not fairness cream?” I love my body shape. It’s boresome when people say “Why don’t you wear heels?” “Why don’t you eat more?” Really, these types of questions bother me. I have to love myself whatever I am. I have liberty to enjoy my life, being myself. But the culture of othering is widely prevalent in our culture too. Although I am unknown about the Eastern theory about othering. In West, it is also called as stereotyping. But Staurt Hall’s idea about stereotyping is somehow applicable in our culture too. Basically, he talks about how difference plays important role in identity formation. And how is the representation of ‘difference’ linked with questions of power? 

I know colour of my skin, height, weight, has nothing to do with what I think. What I believe.  What I understand. Similarly, I know these things are wrong reasons to like someone or judge someone in any case. But people judge us comment us prioritizing those things, demonizing the positivity. They say whatever come in their mind. But what goes through on that particular person always becomes between the lines. Especially, those experiences are depicted in my diary in this way:

“I am the other. I am nobody. I do not want to include myself in any box. In any philosophy. In any ideology. I belong here but really do not belong. Who laughs many times but really do not smile. I am not a rose. I am not a marigold. Alas, I am nobody, nobody’s dream, nobody’s ambition but I am me.

Goodbye Dear Sixteen

Sometimes 2016 says goodbye to me. I also say goodbye. But almost 15 days are left for official goodbye. While talking about 2016, I had many emotional ups and downs. Let's start with positive things. I have completed my master degree. I think this is one positive thing. But I went through many downs. Many obstacles. Many emotional exams. After many years I again started living alone. Lots of peers pressure. Lots of career tension. Last but not the least is that again I started feeling alone, companyless. In fact, second half challenged me a lot.

   Every end is challenging like every start. I think, 2016 was the end of my formal study might be because of that it was challenging. Might be it was not challenging. But I think it was more disgusting, more loner than 2015. But some beautiful memories are there. I can’t forget trekking. Especially second day’s trip.

            And one of the awesome memories is a journey of thesis writing. Everyone knows thesis writing is not an easy task. Editing own’s writing like an examiner, being a critic of oneself, proofreading and finding own mistakes is a hilarious job. And I got this hilarious memory this year, that was awesome in retrospect. Previously, I assumed that after finishing thesis I may hate Sirisko Phool. But I again in love with Sirisko Phool. That is amazing. And funny thing is that again I am in love with Parijat.

            I already mentioned that it was more challenging than 2015.  It was challenging because of career tension. While studying we never imagine we have to wait for many months for a single job. But the reality is a reality. And I faced the same reality.

            Apart from that, all the things were normal. Same type of routine. Like previous years, in 2016 too, I was a student. I started each day with books. No progress at all. Same type of linearity in lifestyle.

            However, I am more hopeful with 2017. In the upcoming year, I want to add profession in my bio. I don't want to write the only student in front of my profession.  I  am fed up with the same type of daily routine. So, in 2017, I would like to gain something more. No more a continuation of a student life. In 2017, I am hoping for change. I want to do experiment with myself. I want to go far from my comfort zone.

            But every year comes with hope ends with frustration. But 2016 was not sweet like sweet sixteen. Although, I want grand farewell of it. So goodbye sixteen for all the love, all the cheerful and depressing memories. Memories of Chitlang and Kulekhani. Memories of thesis writing especially for the headache memory of viva.  And all the memories of TU.   All these memories are part of you. At last goodbye dear sixteen with lots of love.